Interesting read over at BCC

This is an interesting post by someone sharing thoughts about disagreement with a stake president's decision to excommunicate a gay, single mormon but not excommunicate a husband who committed adultery.

Is Mormon theology diverging into new directions?

Is Mormon theology diverging into new directions?

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Milk

My wife was out of town this weekend so I rented Milk. I generally follow the advice of the church leaders to avoid R-rated shows, but I wanted to see this one.
What I learned is that I don't have a lot in common with the gay community. While I can no longer deny attractions to other men, I don't feel that I belong in that community at all. I want a friend to care for me and to be so in tune that he can look at me and know me so well that he can tell how I'm doing. I want there to be a connection with a friend that can be seen in the eyes. Whatever confusion I sometimes experience with my religious convictions, I know there's value to setting boundaries. The drug use and promiscuity of the gay community portrayed in the film offended me.
That's not to say that the movie was not inspiring. Harvey Milk certainly accepted his differences and made incredible progress in pushing back prejudice from gays. I was amazed at the simple background from which Milk came. The world needs more people like him.
Anyway, I haven't much else to report. Work has been so busy that I haven't been keeping regular tabs on this blog. It's looking like July and August will be a bit easier to manage work-wise. That'll be nice, especially for the kids. It's nice to be home with them at dinner time.

Good choices

I'm not very original in coming up with original blog posts. I'm usually so busy with work and family, that I don't take a lot of time for the blog. Anyway, the following is a response to another blogger's post about whether he should try kissing a guy when he's married. Below is my response. I guess I'm having a good day because lately I've had some confirmations that affirm my choices I've made in life to marry the person I did and to stay with her. My response below touches on that:

Life is all about choices. When you marry, you commit to that person. It's not an easy choice or obligation. Those of use who also are sexually attracted to men but married to women may not be satisfied entirely physically. I too have my fantasies about being with another man or even just trying a kiss like you are planning. Right now, that's not part of my plan. I'm married and am helping raise four wonderful kids. I like coming home to them every day. I enjoy being married. I entered into my marriage wanting it to last. I still do. Sure, I've learned some things about myself that make marriage sometimes difficult though I still haven't changed in my desire to be with my wife and kids for along time to come. I need to make choices that help my stay loyal to that commitment I made. I totally understand that you want to know if you'd even like kissing a guy. I wonder too. If you were straight, your wife wouldn't want you kissing other women just to see if you'd like kissing another woman. Straight guys struggle too with sexual compatibility, wanting variety, seeing their wives age quickly due to children and then seeing a hot 20 to 25 year old walk by. No matter one's sexual orientation, sometimes fidelity is tough. Be careful.Now I'm not saying you can't have any physical intimacy with other men. Kiss a fried on the cheek or give him a long, lasting hug. Our society, which seems to sexualize everything, discourages touch between men unless your sexually attracted to the other guy. So, set your boundaries with other people. You are married and committed to your wife. Lip on lip action is romantic. Your wife won't appreciate you doing that with any person, male or female. If you decide to end the marriage, then go for it. Explore your options, but not while you're married. Sorry, I don't mean to sound preachy, but I'm a firm believer in being commited in marriage. I'm 100% positive that I'm not the best communicator, lover, or husband that my wife could have picked. But we have each other, and that's a great thing. We have some great kids. These things are worth the commitment. Sure, I'd love that "electric" kiss with a guy. I can't describe my relationship with my wife as physically "electric," but my heart is full of love when I think about her. It's not worth the risk of losing her to go over my boundaries.That being said, I too have looked at porn and it eats at me that I ever did that. But I only got to that point because I never set boundaries in that regard--I only told myself at an early age not to seek out naked pictures of women, and I didn't. It took awhile but I eventually convinced myself at one point that looking at other guys was okay. I'm working on that.When it comes to other people, I don't mess around. If I didn't have these boundaries, I don't know where I'd be today, but not happy.On a lighter note, sometimes it just helps to think about old men and old women. Which would I rather be around when I'm old? Definitely the women. I love the song that Adam Sandler sings to Drew Barrymore at the end of Wedding Singer about how he wants to grow old with her. That's the kind of love that endures. I don't know if I just wrote anything helpful for you or not. I'm not going to pretend that I know exactly how you are feeling. I'm not you, but I care. I hope you find a way to achieve what you most want in this life and find joy in doing so.

An Old Friend

I went away for the weekend to attend a family get together. While I was away, I got together with a good friend of mine for a couple of hours. I love this friend like a brother. While traveling, I thought about how to work into a conversation with him some of the reasons I think there are a lot of gays. Specifically, I wanted to discuss the push in society to become disgusted with other male bodies, to not provide any real male bonding experiences other than drinking and sports (which are fine but there's a lot more to having a deep, intimate emotional bond with another guy), and to sexualize any type of intimacy. Then I hoped to use that as a good excuse to tell him I didn't care about those things and that I loved him. I even imagined giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek.
As usual, I spent too much time thinking ahead of time. I want my relationships to come naturally and not planned out as such.
In any event, we did play some tennis. Afterwards, we talked for a little bit. Instead of going deep into those issues, I brought up a new phrase I had just learned while reading a movie review: "dick flick." Evidently, this is the new slang for a guy buddy movie. This mocking, irreverant, and sexualized term is a bit offensive to me. Of course, from the movie the reviewer was discussing--"I Love You Man"-- it was probably an appropriate term.
In any event, when we parted, I gave my friend a big hug and told him I loved him. No kiss. It's great to have such friends. Unfortunately, our paths do not cross often with each of us living in different states.
Part of me wants to be more open and physically affectionate with those around me, but I've never acted that way. It feels awkward. I guess practice makes perfect.