Tuesday, March 24, 2009

An Old Friend

I went away for the weekend to attend a family get together. While I was away, I got together with a good friend of mine for a couple of hours. I love this friend like a brother. While traveling, I thought about how to work into a conversation with him some of the reasons I think there are a lot of gays. Specifically, I wanted to discuss the push in society to become disgusted with other male bodies, to not provide any real male bonding experiences other than drinking and sports (which are fine but there's a lot more to having a deep, intimate emotional bond with another guy), and to sexualize any type of intimacy. Then I hoped to use that as a good excuse to tell him I didn't care about those things and that I loved him. I even imagined giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek.
As usual, I spent too much time thinking ahead of time. I want my relationships to come naturally and not planned out as such.
In any event, we did play some tennis. Afterwards, we talked for a little bit. Instead of going deep into those issues, I brought up a new phrase I had just learned while reading a movie review: "dick flick." Evidently, this is the new slang for a guy buddy movie. This mocking, irreverant, and sexualized term is a bit offensive to me. Of course, from the movie the reviewer was discussing--"I Love You Man"-- it was probably an appropriate term.
In any event, when we parted, I gave my friend a big hug and told him I loved him. No kiss. It's great to have such friends. Unfortunately, our paths do not cross often with each of us living in different states.
Part of me wants to be more open and physically affectionate with those around me, but I've never acted that way. It feels awkward. I guess practice makes perfect.


Forester said...

Hey, just wanted to check in with you. Are you still hanging in there? I'm not doing too good right now. I'm just sick of it all. I can't keep up this enormous standard. I really want to be with another guy, but I also want my wife and family. So, I've decided to try and do both. Live a doulbe life. I don't see any way around it right now.

Crisco said...

Forester- I feel for you. I just put a very long comment on your blog. I hope you're not offended, but I don't think a double life is very productive. You'll get hurt and hurt others along the way. If you're not happy in your marriage, maybe it's time to get out. Do that before you live a double life.
I remember a professor who told me about a buddy of his that was married but once a year would get together with a guy friend and get laid. When I first heard that, it was sort of an appealing arrangement to me. But I couldn't pull it off. Besides, there are other things more important than just sex.
Maybe with all the changes to the marriage laws, one day it will be legal to be a polygamist and marry whatever gender you choose. Then you can have a husband and a wife! :) Until then man, remember that ring on your finger. Until you take it off for good, stay committed to her.