I'm not very original in coming up with original blog posts. I'm usually so busy with work and family, that I don't take a lot of time for the blog. Anyway, the following is a response to another blogger's post about whether he should try kissing a guy when he's married. Below is my response. I guess I'm having a good day because lately I've had some confirmations that affirm my choices I've made in life to marry the person I did and to stay with her. My response below touches on that:
Life is all about choices. When you marry, you commit to that person. It's not an easy choice or obligation. Those of use who also are sexually attracted to men but married to women may not be satisfied entirely physically. I too have my fantasies about being with another man or even just trying a kiss like you are planning. Right now, that's not part of my plan. I'm married and am helping raise four wonderful kids. I like coming home to them every day. I enjoy being married. I entered into my marriage wanting it to last. I still do. Sure, I've learned some things about myself that make marriage sometimes difficult though I still haven't changed in my desire to be with my wife and kids for along time to come. I need to make choices that help my stay loyal to that commitment I made. I totally understand that you want to know if you'd even like kissing a guy. I wonder too. If you were straight, your wife wouldn't want you kissing other women just to see if you'd like kissing another woman. Straight guys struggle too with sexual compatibility, wanting variety, seeing their wives age quickly due to children and then seeing a hot 20 to 25 year old walk by. No matter one's sexual orientation, sometimes fidelity is tough. Be careful.Now I'm not saying you can't have any physical intimacy with other men. Kiss a fried on the cheek or give him a long, lasting hug. Our society, which seems to sexualize everything, discourages touch between men unless your sexually attracted to the other guy. So, set your boundaries with other people. You are married and committed to your wife. Lip on lip action is romantic. Your wife won't appreciate you doing that with any person, male or female. If you decide to end the marriage, then go for it. Explore your options, but not while you're married. Sorry, I don't mean to sound preachy, but I'm a firm believer in being commited in marriage. I'm 100% positive that I'm not the best communicator, lover, or husband that my wife could have picked. But we have each other, and that's a great thing. We have some great kids. These things are worth the commitment. Sure, I'd love that "electric" kiss with a guy. I can't describe my relationship with my wife as physically "electric," but my heart is full of love when I think about her. It's not worth the risk of losing her to go over my boundaries.That being said, I too have looked at porn and it eats at me that I ever did that. But I only got to that point because I never set boundaries in that regard--I only told myself at an early age not to seek out naked pictures of women, and I didn't. It took awhile but I eventually convinced myself at one point that looking at other guys was okay. I'm working on that.When it comes to other people, I don't mess around. If I didn't have these boundaries, I don't know where I'd be today, but not happy.On a lighter note, sometimes it just helps to think about old men and old women. Which would I rather be around when I'm old? Definitely the women. I love the song that Adam Sandler sings to Drew Barrymore at the end of Wedding Singer about how he wants to grow old with her. That's the kind of love that endures. I don't know if I just wrote anything helpful for you or not. I'm not going to pretend that I know exactly how you are feeling. I'm not you, but I care. I hope you find a way to achieve what you most want in this life and find joy in doing so.
They that be with us - Chapter Nine - *This is chapter nine from my big gay Mormon book. It's called * *They That Be With Us - Finding the Connection Between Being Gay and B...
3 weeks ago