I passed the tabloids at the grocery store yesterday and noticed one said Marie Osmond's son committed suicidie because he was gay. I googled it and could not find any credible news source that picked up on that. However, I did find an article that Roseanne Barr criticized the Osmonds and the Church for being anti-gay, which caused Marie's son's suicide. Anyone heard whether he really was gay? I guess to an extent it doesn't matter because no matter the cause, suicide is so sad.
I think back to times when I've been alone with a good friend and how I wished the conversation or circumstances would have turned more intimate, not sexual, but something more. What I mean is I wish for a back rub, a cuddle, a lingering embrace, or a shirtless hug, something along those lines. I imagine those scenarios over and over again in my head. Yet when circumstances allow me to be with a close friend with whom I'd like a more emotional bond that could be strengthened through such an experience, I hesitate and nothing happens. Of course, I wish I had a friend who would instigate so it's not just me. Alas, I've never had that friend.
Afterwards, I wonder if it's just for the best. Those close physical experiences could easily turn into something sexual, which while somewhat appealing, that's not where I want to go while I'm in a committed relationship. I do not want to cheat on my wife, but I can't ignore entirely the fact that I'm open to touch from my friends beyond the occassional hand shake or sideways hug. Living without that touch is less painful than hurting my wife would be. So, part of me refrains.
I wonder if I would have much self-control. Recently, I took a road trip with a friend. We went to the pool at the hotel. Since we shared a room, we changed together. I've never really been physically attracted to this guy. Yet, when we changed, my body responded and I had to make sure I was turned away while I got into my suit. I was mad at myself for that. If I respond so quickly to someone with whom I don't have a crush or admire physically, what would I do in another situation with a more attractive man? Normally, that's not a problem at the gym, but I'm surrounded by a bunch of guys who I don't even know. I guess my other brain recognized that I was alone with someone I care about.
Anyway, I haven't crossed any improper boundaries with another guy and not even gotten close. Maybe it's just good that I have good friends. I have a good family. I don't get to do everything in this life that I want. Who does? It's okay. Maybe one day I will have a friend is more physically affectionate, and I will discover where the boundaries lie between physical affection and sexuality. That would be very awesome. Until that time, however, I'm not going to regret the good people in my life because I'm blessed that way.
I read an article about a case going up to the Supreme Court that concerns the free speech of religious groups who protest at military funerals. Specifically, the protest comes from a reverend and his church followers that appear at the funeral services of fallen servicemen and carry signs that blame the deaths of our military of the U.S. government’s acceptance of gays and lesbians to serve. One of the fathers sued the reverend and won a $5 million verdict for invasion of privacy. The verdict was thrown out on appeal, and now the case is heading to the Supreme Court next term.
Also, the Supreme Court is to hear a case that concerns membership rules for student groups and public universities. At one public law school, the school administration threatened to withdraw funding to the Christian Law Society because they would no longer accept gays and lesbians as members. The law school won at both the trial and appellate levels. The Supreme Court will hear argument on that case in April.
Being a lawyer, I could argue both sides to each of these cases. But when I listen to my feelings, I definitely have opinions on these issues. With the first, I’m totally siding with the father. There are so many other appropriate places and times to protest the government’s policy on gays in the military. Choosing a funeral of a fallen serviceman is ridiculous. It manifests the cruel side of religion that can take a person’s belief and use it to harm others without any guilt. It doesn’t bother me that much that church groups don’t like the U.S. policy. There’s always been prejudice and there always will be. That group is being extremely insensitive in showing a lack of respect for our soldiers and their families. That reverend should write to Congress, appear on Fox News, hold rallies, create a blog, etc. Targeting innocent families just causes so much pain for no reason.
I’ve read some blog entries recently from other mohos who have reduced or eliminated their contact with our Church for various reasons. I understand to an extent and maybe they’ve experienced some of the cruelty that can occur from religion, like the example above, or say the Mountain Meadows massacre, the Holy Crusades, the Inquisition, or Proposition 8. But in my experience, the everyday member is a good person. I have so many great friends because of my affiliation with the Church, who are just trying to do the right thing. The gospel itself is good and does bring the Spirit. It’s just that the Church is run by imperfect people who have prejudices. That’s part of the reason I feel no desire to discuss my attractions for other men with a bishop or anyone else at church for that matter. I don’t need to invoke their prejudices. On the other hand, I love their companionship and their commitment to do what’s right. So I keep attending Church.
Anyway, with the second Supreme Court case, I think that student groups should have say in their membership requirements. I know that the law favors the government only providing monies to organizations that don’t discriminate. That’s almost impossible to enforce. Student groups are not our government, and provide a mechanism for the right to assemble and to speak as a group. Forcing open the memberships is taking the Constitutional protections too far. With both these cases, it’s apparent that sometimes courts see the First Amendment right to free speech as the end all and be all of Constitutional rights. It can be impinged upon to advance other rights, as the right to assemble, the right to privacy, the right to practice one’s religion, etc.
It will be very interesting to see what our highest court does with these two cases.
I'm a married Mormon man who suffers from occasional insecurities, not the least of which is same-sex attraction. I'm trying to find the joy in the good characteristics I have from SSA while avoiding the pitfalls of its burdens. I'm not good at opening up, so this blog is to provide a forum for me to express my feelings and experiences with SSA.
1. And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. *** 3. Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. 4. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle.
I salute you in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, in token or remembrance of the everlasting covenant, in which covenant I receive you to a fellowship in a determination that is fixed, immovable, and unchangeable, to be your friend and brother through the grace of God in the bonds of love, to walk in all the commandments of God blameless, in thanksgiving, forever and ever. Amen.
Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith
“Friendship is one of the grand fundamental principles of ‘Mormonism’; [it is designed] to revolutionize and civilize the world, and cause wars and contentions to cease and men to become friends and brothers.”