Thursday, April 28, 2011

Bro Code Part 2 (31-70)

Article 31: When on the prowl, a Bro hits on the hottest chick first because you just never know [Not prowling]
Article 32: A Bro doesnt allow another Bro to get married until hes at least thirty [None of my business]
Article 33 When in a public restroom, a Bro (1) stares straight ahead when using the urinal; (2) makes the obligatory comment, "What is this, a chicks' restroom?" if there are more than two dudes waiting to pee; and (3) attempts to shoot his used paper towel into the trash can like a basketball...rebounding is optional. [Dumb]
Article 34: Bros cannot make eye-contact during a Devil's Threeway. [In the extremely unlikely event that I would ever be in a three-way, you better believe that there’d be eye contact and more…]
Article 35: A Bro never rents a chick flick [If it make s the wife happy…]
Article 36 DD: When questioned in the company of women, a Bro always decries fake breasts. [What’s wrong with a little extra silicone?]
Article 37: A Bro is under no obligation to open a door for anyone. If women insist on having their own professional basketball league, then they can open their own doors. Honestly they're not that heavy [Be a gentleman and open the door.]
Article 38: Even in a fight to the death a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin. [Agreed]
Article 39: When a Bro gets a chicks number, he waits at least ninety-six hours before calling her. [Whatever]
Article 40: Should a Bro become stricken with engagement, his Bros shall stage an intervention and attempt to heal him. This is more commonly known as "a bachelor party." [Mormon bachelor parties don’t quite suffice for this one]
Article 41: A Bro never cries (Exceptions- Watching Field of Dreams, ET or a sports legend right (only first time he retires)) [Not a big crier, but evidently it’s also okay at the pulpit]
Article 42: Upon greeting another Bro, a Bro may engage in a high five, fist bump, or a Bro hug, but never a full embrace. [Love full embraces]
Article 43: A Bro loves his country, unless that country isn't America. [Racist]
Article 44: A Bro never applies sunscreen to another Bro [No guy has ever asked me. One friend used a spatula once rather than ask me to get his back.]
Article 45: A Bro never wears jeans to a strip club [No experience there]
Article 46: If a Bro is seated next to some dude who's stuck in the middle seat on an airplane, he shall yield him all of their shared armrest, unlesss the dude has (a) teken his shoes off, (b) is snoring, (c) makes the Bro get up more than once to use the lavatory, or (d) purchased headphones after they announced the in-flight movie is 27 Dresses. See Article 35. [Again…whatever]
Article 47: A Bro never wears pink. Not even in Europe [Pink is awesome! A certain Aerosmith song come to mind.]
Article 48: A Bro never publicly reveals how many chicks he's banged. [Probably not a good idea]
Article 49: When asked, "Do you need some help?" a Bro shall automatically respond, "I gotit," whether or not he's actually got it. [So true!]
Article 50: If a Bro should accidentally strike another Bro's undercarriage with his arm while walking, both Bros silently agree to continue on as if it never happened. [Funny]
Article 51: A Bro checks out another Bro's blind date and reports back with a thumbs-up or thumbs-down [Sounds good…reminds me of You’ve Got Mail]
Article 52: A Bro is not required to remember another Bros birthday, though a phone call every not and again probably wouldn't kill him [I don’t remember all of them but I do write them down.]
Article 53: Even in a drought, a Bro flushes twice [No]
Article 54: A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Paddy's Day and other official Bro hilidays, including Halloween, New Year's Eve, and Desperation Day (February 13th) [Wouldn’t that be nice to have holidays for just guys]
Article 55: Even inan emergency that requires a tourniquet, a Bro never borrows from or lends clothes to another Bro. [I can’t say I’ve ever borrowed clothes except for ties on the mission when I got so sick of my own.]
Article 56: A Bro is required to alert another Bro if the Bro/chick Ration at a party falls below 1:1. However, to avoid Broflation, a Bro is only allowed to alert one Bro. Further, a Bro may not speculate on the anticipated Bro/Chick Ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio. [Whatever…just go enjoy the party!]
Article 57: A Bro never reveals the score of a sporting event to another Bro unless that Bro has thrice confirmed he wants to hear it. [What scores?]
Article 58: A Bro doesn't grow a mustache (Exception Tom Selleck) [Usually not the best alone, but I do appreciate a goatee.]
Article 59: A Bro must always post bail for another Bro, unless it's out of state or, like, crazy expensive (Crazy expensive bail >(years you've been bros) x $100) [Thank goodness my friends have never gone to jail.]
Article 60: A Bro shall honor they father and mother, for they were once Bro and chick. However, a Bro never thinks of them in that capacity. [Exactly.]
Article 61: If a Bro for whatever reason becomes aware of another Bro's anniversary with a chick, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows. [Not my problem]
Article 62: In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the Bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts aloud to ten the fastest has dibs. If both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the Bro who bought the last round of drinks has dibs. If they haven't purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two Bros has dibs. If they're the same height, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet Broshambo* shall determine dibs, provided the chick is still there. *Rock, paper, scissors for Bros. [I haven’t called dibs on anything in ages.]
Article 63: A Bro will make any and all efforts to provide his Bro with protection [I assume we are not talking about the armor of righteousness here.]
Article 64: A Bro must provide his Bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the latter Bro's favourite sports team in a playoff scenario [He get can get it himself. That’s what Ticketmaster is for.]
Article 65: A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks amoung Bros. [Root beer again, right?]
Article 66: If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a 'that sucks, man' and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary - desered or not - regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed. [This sounds smart.]
Article 67: Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool. [Funny]
Article 68: If a Bro be on hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work, or, if necessary, generating a realistic fear that the end of the world is imminent. (Dry spell trumps hot streak) [Oh brother]
Article 69: Duh. [One of the best words in the English language!]
Article 70: A Bro will drive another Bro to the airport or pick him up, but never both for the same trip. He is not expected to be on time, help with luggage, or inquire about his Bro's trip or general well-being. [Heaven forbid you should ask how your friend about his well being.]

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

4 and 22 dont match.. how can a girl be a bro if girls arent allowed to be told about the bro code