Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Bro Code 1-30

Evidently there was some NBA scandal this weekend. I saw the headline and had to look. Two ball players held hands for a few seconds walking into the locker room. I thought it was a little weird, but not scandalous. Then I read one of the players is Brazilian, and so it was not so weird anymore. I served my mission in Brazil. They are a more friendly and passionate people than Americans are.

Anyway, the article went on to describe has these two ball players broke a rule of the “Bro Code.” Someone took the time to write out the following rules for interactions between guy friends and posted it on Facebook. Just for fun, I’m posting these rules in sections (there are a lot) and adding my comments to each one. It’s funny.

By the way, I have not corrected the spelling. The spelling errors were intentional per the author.

Bro Code:
Article 1: Bro's before Ho's [hmm no comment here]
Article 2: A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are doing it [definitely some truth to this]
Article 3: If a Bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full-grown [don’t care for dogs]
Article 4: A Bro never divulges the of the Bro Code to a woman. It is a scared document not to be shared with chicks for any not even that reason. [First rule of Fight Club….]
NOTE: If you are a woman reading this, first let me apologise: it was never my intention for this book to contain so much math. Second, I urge you to look at this document for what it is-apeice of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually beleive or adhere to the vulgar rules contained within.* Those boots are adorable, b-t-dub.
*Psst-her guys I put this in really small type at the bottom since we all know men have much better vision than women. Ignore the above-the Bro Code is definitely NOT a peice of fiction. I was simply lying to uphold this very article.
Article 5: whether he cares about sports or not, a Bro cares about sports. [I try but really only watch the occasional few minutes of a basket ball game or sometimes the Olympics. I do watch the Tour de France every July.]
Article 6: A Bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other Bros in a gym locker room [No lollygagging but no hurry either. I just wish more of the guys my age made use of the locker room.]
Article 7: A Bro never admits he can't drve stick. Even after an accident. [I can drive one.]
Article 8: A Bro never sends a greeting card to another Bro. [I send the occasional birthday card or thank you.]
Article 9: Should a Bro lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow Bros will not make lame jokes such as "Gimmee three!" or "Wow, quiiting your job like that really took a lot of ball". Its still a high five and that Bro still has a lot of balls...metaphorically speaking of course. [I read Lance Armstrong’s book and he said his friends call him the uniballer!]
Article 10: A Bro will drop whatever he's doing and rush to help his Bro dump a chick. [I’ve never been asked to help with this one, but would probably say no.]
Article 11: A Bro may ask his Bro(s) to help him move, but only after first discoling an honest estimate on both time commitment and number of large pieces of furnititure. If the Bro has vastly underestimated either, his Bros retain the right to leave his possessions where they are-in most cases, stuck in a doorway. [What disclosure? You just show up with the rest of the Elders Quorum!]
Article 12: Bros do no share dessert [I don’t think I have, but would not be opposed to sharing.]
Article 13: All Bros shall dub one of their Bros his wingman [None of my friends are so dubbed but I’m not on the prowl.]
Article 14: If a chick inquires about another Bro's sexual history, a Bro shall honor the 'Brode of silence' and play dumb. Better to have women think all men are stupid than tell the truth. [Mormon assumption: no sexual history if single, and so the question is never asked.]
Article 15: A Bro never dances with his hands above his head. [I’ve broken this one at every youth dance.]
Article 16: A Bro should be able, at any time, to recite the following reigning champions: Super Bowl, World Series, and Playmate of the Year [I don’t’ care about any of those.]
Article 17: A Bro shall be kind and courteous to his co-workers, unless they are beneath him on the Pyramid of Screaming [Kindness is always a virtue.]
Article 18: If a Bro spearheads a beer run at a party, he is entitled to any excess monies accrued after canvassing the group [Root beer!]
Article 19: A Bro shall not sleep with another Bro's sister. However, a Bro shall not get angry if another Bro says, "Dude, your sisters hot!" [No problem with this one.]
Article 20: A Bro respects his Bros in the m,ilitary because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but mpre to the point, because they can kick his ass sex ways to sunday. [Amen.]
Article 21: A Bro never shares observations about another Bro's smoking-hot girlfriend. Even if the Bro with the hot girlfriend attempts to bait the Bro by saying "she's smoking-hot, huh?" a Bro shall remain silent, because in this situation, he's the only one who should be baiting. [What about telling your Bro that he’s smoking hot?]
Article 22: There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a Bro. [sure, whatever]
Article 23 When flipping through TV channals with his Bros, a Bro is not allowed to skip past a program featuring boobs. This includes but is not limited to, exercise shows, womens athletics, and on some occasions surgery programs. [Not a priority for me]
Article 24: When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may poition the brim at either 12 or 6 o'clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped. [Agree]
Article 25: A Bro doesnt let another Bro get a tattoo, particularly a tattoo of a girls name. [What my friends want to do with their bodies is their own business. I admit that from time to time I’ve noticed a discreet tattoo that looked pretty cool on a guy, but a girl’s name is a bad idea.]
Article 26: Unless he has children, a Bro shall not wear his cell phone on a belt clip. [Whatever]
Article 27: A Bro never removes his shirt in front of other Bros, unless at a resort pool or the beach [I wish hanging out shirtless was more prevalent but only if in shape! Garments tend to hinder this.]
Article 28: A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existance of a girl fight [Don’t care]
Article 29: If two Bros decide to catch a movie together, they may not attend a screening that begins after 4:40pm. Also despite the cost savings, they shall not split a tub of popcorn, choosing instead to procure individual bags. [I don’t get this one. I have to go with my guy friends after 8 p.m. b/c we have to go after the kids are in bed. Also, we share popcorn.]
Article 30: A Bro doesn't comparison shop. [How else are you supposed to get a good deal?]

More to come...

1 comment:

AKgayN.LDS said...

Hilarious post man. The Bro Code was required reading when I rushed a couple frats in college...

Note, all codes can be broken in certain situations but that is covered in Annex A. Again, such "code" violations are to NEVER be spoken of. I had to memorize the book LOL