Sunday, April 4, 2010

Opening Up

I took a positive step I think in dealing with my attractions. I actually told a friend what I was going through. It wasn't easy because I'm generally very private. Now someone in my life now and not just those who occasionally read this blog.
The conversation went well, but I found myself not being nearly as articulate with my feelings as I am when I write them down. Anyway, he was not judging and was open to further discussion if I ever feel the need to talk. I'm happy I opened up. I'm definitely risk adverse and this felt very risky for me. I was shaking beforehand so badly once I decided to go through with it.

On another train of thought, I really enjoyed President Monson's talk this morning on the sacrifice, atonement and resurrection of the Savior. That's the heart of the gospel I really love.

Happy Easter!


Reina said...

Congrats on opening up and having your first conversation with a friend face to face. When I opened up to people face to face for the first time I found it to be cathartic. I am glad that it went well.

Bravone said...

Happy Easter Crisco!

Forester said...

Can you tell us more about this experience? Why did you decide to tell this friend? Do you have any regrets about telling him? Is he someone you have known for a long time?

Crisco said...

The reason I shared with my friend is that I didn’t feel like I was getting anywhere lately with dealing with my attractions and trying to find a purpose. Also, I have been having a change of heart on whether to ever discuss these feelings with my wife. Now, I think it is a possibility. So, I decided that I should share with a friend first and see how that goes.

I chose this friend because I think I knew him well enough that he wouldn’t freak out, that he would be kind, and that this revelation wouldn’t hurt our friendship. Also, and very importantly, I feel safe sharing with him. While I can’t deny he makes a good impression physically, I don’t have a crush on him. He has a place in my heart akin to what I think having a brother would be like. So, I’m not really worried about acting any differently around him now than before.

Do I regret sharing? No, but then again it’s only been 36 hours or so. He at first wanted to make sure I was sure about my feelings. Then we just talked for a bit. We even laughed. That’s always a good sign when you can laugh a little at yourself. I didn’t feel very articulate in communicating to him as I am in this blog. That’s okay.

I told him that I don’t know if I’d bring this up again. I just knew it had become important for me to share with someone. It seems that every blog writer I read has shared their feelings with someone at some time, except me. I am now in uncharted waters because this secret is now out.

Scott said...

Congratulations, and here's to many more happy comings-out! :)