My kids have a book by Dr. Seuss called, “My Many Colored Days.” It describes how each day can be a bit different and reflective of a color. Near the end, it says that some days the colors are all mixed up and “I don’t know who or what I am.”
That’s the way I often feel. There are many parts to me and they don’t all seem to mesh well. I find myself wishing that I could pick one and make that part of me the best. I don’t feel that there’s anything in particular that I excel at. I doubt that anyone would disagree with me that life is complicated with work, a family, a home, church, and sneaking into your schedule a few moments for hobbies, exercise or fun. What a balancing act! I wish I could give more focus to each of the aspects of my life. Too bad I have to sleep occasionally.
I am still working on finding the strength to overcome my selfish desires to be with another man. I have a good life with a loving wife and family. I have good friends and a good job. One day I’ll figure out how to remember these aspects of my life when I’m feeling down or feeling the urge to be selfish.
I have to admit that the fantasy or desire to be intimate with another man is stronger now than it has been. It seems more real. This means that I have been making the wrong choices. I really feel that I should focus more on others and forget myself. It’s hard to be selfish when you aren’t thinking about yourself.
It’s time for a good self-evaluation to set priorities and bring some order to the chaos in my life, and then maybe I’ll understand the colors in my life better.
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