Proposition 8

For the first time, I’m a bit uncomfortable with something said over the pulpit. I’m in California, and the Church is part of a coalition of many churches participating in the campaigning for Proposition 8, which would amend the California constitution to define a marriage as between a man and a woman. I believe this proposition was in the works anyway, but with the recent California Supreme Court case finding that denying marriages to those of the same gender is unconstitutional, the momentum for the proposition has taken off.
My feelings on this matter are mixed. On the one hand, I would be disappointed if the Church did not actively support this proposition. On the other hand, there are other aspects of our laws that are not in accordance with the gospel. Why is the Church coming down on this issue and not others? Of course I recognize my bias because of the feelings I have towards other men. Every day I tell myself that I’m not a bad person, and this proposition seems to say the opposite. From a gay person’s point of view, the proposition is an attack on their civil liberties which they just recently won in court. So, this is a difficult issue for me. I’m not sure how I will vote on this measure let alone what I will do or say if I’m asked to contribute financially to the campaign or to contribute time to the campaign. I know our stake will be asked shortly for volunteers to conduct surveys, but that’s all I know for sure.

Mixed up color day

My kids have a book by Dr. Seuss called, “My Many Colored Days.” It describes how each day can be a bit different and reflective of a color. Near the end, it says that some days the colors are all mixed up and “I don’t know who or what I am.”
That’s the way I often feel. There are many parts to me and they don’t all seem to mesh well. I find myself wishing that I could pick one and make that part of me the best. I don’t feel that there’s anything in particular that I excel at. I doubt that anyone would disagree with me that life is complicated with work, a family, a home, church, and sneaking into your schedule a few moments for hobbies, exercise or fun. What a balancing act! I wish I could give more focus to each of the aspects of my life. Too bad I have to sleep occasionally.
I am still working on finding the strength to overcome my selfish desires to be with another man. I have a good life with a loving wife and family. I have good friends and a good job. One day I’ll figure out how to remember these aspects of my life when I’m feeling down or feeling the urge to be selfish.
I have to admit that the fantasy or desire to be intimate with another man is stronger now than it has been. It seems more real. This means that I have been making the wrong choices. I really feel that I should focus more on others and forget myself. It’s hard to be selfish when you aren’t thinking about yourself.
It’s time for a good self-evaluation to set priorities and bring some order to the chaos in my life, and then maybe I’ll understand the colors in my life better.