Not much to report but here's some random thoughts

Recent events:

· I taught a lesson on having a broken heart and a contrite spirit to the priests on Sunday. Basically, the lesson is to remind ourselves to be open to God and his instructions. I wonder if I have such an attitude. I don’t trust my leaders to share with them my attractions. So where do I get my instructions if not from church or do I have hard heart?

· After church, while taking the sacrament with the priests to a couple in the hospital, the husband just randomly asks if there have been any political statements at church. Oh no, I thought to myself. Quickly, the conversation turned into an Obama and gay bashing, including a crude hand gesture to prove homosexual acts don’t work. I tried to extricate us quickly. I didn’t get heated, but I could tell the guy wouldn’t listen to any contrary point of view. He made me laugh when he said Fox News is the only station that provides balanced news.

· On Monday, I discovered a few morsels of eye candy at Disneyland. I couldn’t help but enjoy the young, buff guy who decided to take off his shirt while waiting in line at the Matterhorn. I enjoyed the sites of a few guys in tanks too.

· Today, as I left the gym locker room, I couldn’t help but scratch my head at the guy who had painted his toenails black.

· I have one particular homoerotic fantasy that I can’t get out of my head this week. Go away, I say. It isn’t helping!

Lonely tonight

I don't know why specifically, but I'm just feeling really lonely tonight. My wife is with friends, which is good, but she hasn't done that in awhile. At the last minute, I tried to get a guy friend to come over, but nothing panned out. I really wish had that physical and emotional connection with a guy. Oh well, instead I get to spend more time on the computer.

Great Zeitcast over at BCC

Here's part 1:

http://bycommonconsent.com/2010/04/30/zeitcast-3-9-0-part-1/

Here's part 2:

http://bycommonconsent.com/2010/04/30/bcc-zeitcast-3-9-1-part-2/

This guy left the church a long time ago, before coming out of the closet. He has interestingly remained a friend of the church and has some great insights.

Subconscious betrayal

Generally life is good, and I deal with my attractions to other men okay. It’s hard though when I wake up to an incredibly vivid sexual dream of being with another man. So, I slowly wake up and go through a series of strong emotions of longing, sadness, and guilt, among others. Then I see my smiling kids and hug my wife, and life is good again. However, on those days, there’s always a little pain that I carry with me. As the dream fades, so does the pain.

Overheard in the gym lockerroom...

"I prefer my queers flaming..."

Okay, I wanted to turn to this guy and say, "sorry to disappoint.".

I didn't, but I chuckled a little to myself.